Broken Buddha
poetry by
jay dancing bear
Broken Buddha
Naked Pagan
Renewal
What a Pleasant Sound
Inconvenient Thunderbolt
Man of Substance
On a Mountain
Water
Looking Back
What
Harbin May 97
Cave
Embraced by Waves
Poet
Or is it?
Fighting
Welcome to the Club
Perseverance
Stuffing
Ode to a Spider
Yes!
To a Lover
Sex as Adventure
Waiting
Twelve
Broken Buddha
When your heart breaks
so hard
that even when everything you wanted is
right here, right now
smiling at you
all you have to do is to
speak the word
yet
you remain mute
and smile weakly
In that moment
enlightenment has struck
gone, gone, gone beyon
You have become a Broken Buddha
A shadow imitation of the real thing
yet
you are beyond despair
beyond hope
totally here and now
in a sad, sad way
I don’t envy you and
you don’t envy me
Is this a necessary step on the path
or some horrible wrong turn
Wheels in deep mud
we get out of the vehicle
and step into
Quicksand, oh
God
Naked Pagan
A naked pagan
dancing with the sky
I am alien in your world
Your houses, factories, TV sets
It is difficult for me to understand
how can you live this way?
but you do
i need trees, grass, sky
Rushing rivers and willing consorts
fresh strawberries picked from the ground
You tell me of vaccines, hospitals,
guaranteed food supply
heat in the winter
Yes, these are good things
when enjoyed properly
but why give up
the joy of feeling
the sun on your heart
the waves on your flesh
trances
the companionship of spirit
Why do you seem to lack
joy,contentment,fulfillment
serenity, and
integrity
You sell yourself to the highest bidder and
live in fear of not selling yourself
Why can you not find a way to have it all
If this technology is so wonderful
why are so many unhappy
sick at heart
filled with all manner of diseased emotions and
homeless in the streets
I don’t understand
The gifts I offer
you think worthless
I offer the sand, the sea
the earth, the sky
compassion
and deep feelings
What you want from me is to be a robot
For that I may earn enough to buy food and pay rent
since you have set a price on every inch of the earth
by what right do you control this land
I don’t understand
but, after all
I am only
A naked pagan
Renewal
Dipping my bucket
into the sacred well of power
I am renewed
What a pleasant sound!
The sound of a woman having an orgasm
what a pleasant sound!
When I lived in the campground I could hear that sound a lot but
here in the city
not so much
Maybe the walls block out the sound but
I think that people in cities just don’t fuck as much
or else they do it quietly
so nobody will hear
but out in the open
the sound traveled and
could be heard a lot!
What a pleasant sound!
Inconvenient Thunderbolt
Just like back trouble
Love can strike at very inconvenient moments
Burning up all your nice, neat plans
like logs in the fires of experience
as your inner child dances wildly around
twirling like a dervish
laughing with joy
Man of Substance
I am a man of substance
I’m not fat
I don’t have much money
but
if you were to weigh and measure my experiences
you would see
2000 pounds
vast as the sky
filling out my vest
like the great ball of the earth
I count my wealth in
the people I have met
the skies I have seen
the songs I have sung
the souls I have loved
the feelings I have felt
the skin I have touched
This, to me, is my wealth
and i cherish it
Amin
On a Mountain
I’m on a mountain
Looking at another mountain
I want to get there, the only problem is
There’s an ocean in between
and a desert
and a million miles of wheat fields
but even so
I still want to get to that other mountain
Now
Not in one hundred years
and I will
if it is God’s will
my name is Mohammed
I am a simple man
It’s just me
and the mountain
Why do I want to get there?
Because there are people there who need to hear my voice
and they will only hear it
if I am on the other mountain
Why my voice? Why this urgency?
I don’t know
perhaps it resonates at some special frequency
but for whatever the reason
God commands me and
his/her/it’s will be done
Amin
Water
I am water
how can you hold me?
The tighter you squeeze your grip
the more I slip through your fingers
A cupped hand, upturned
will let you enjoy me
a little bit, or
better yet
Dive into me
Feel me surround you
embrace you
caress you
as you slide-glide through me
Feel me touching and stroking every inch of your body
I am you
90% of you
You are me
given form by skin and boned
but still
mostly water
I am soft
Supple
Yet in time I erode the densest rock known to man
I am humble
and always seek low places
I quench fire
and fill up air
You are me and I am you
We are eternal
Amin
Looking Back
Looking back on my life through the filter of who I am now
What was it really like?
How did I feel then
how do I feel now
How long do these feelings last
or
is it all
as it was
as it shall be
world without end
Amin
What
What will make me acceptable to myself, to you
If I produce, do a lot, keep busy, make money
If I’m active, and, of course
cheerful and happy
Then do I get the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval?
What if I’m moody?
What if much of my time is quiet time?
What if most of my life is lived on the inside,
not a lot of external activity
just a lot of lying in bed
reading, thinking, feeling
What if money and I are not well acquainted
and outside money is needed
Does this make me worthless, a bum, useless to society,
not fit to walk the earth?
What makes me “worthy”, and
will your opinion make one bit of goddamn difference
in the taste of my spaghetti sauce
or is it my opinion
which i too much base on what i believe to be
your opinion
which is important
Harbin-May 97
parts A and B
A
There’s a shadow on the land
and it’s growing larger and darker
Please be quiet
Please don’t play music
or sing
except in the garden, and even there
keep it down
Construction noises are allowed
and can be heard
everywhere
Chainsaws, hammers, bulldozers
all welcome
Music, guitars
not welcome
The warm pool at night
bright lights, security surveillance
Please be quiet
Shush
The Fern kitchen supply cabinet is now locked
In the garden picking without asking is stealing
Please be quiet and give Harbin all the
money, time, and energy
that you can
and if you’re a resident
or a long term guest
please don’t stay too long
please feel free to have fun
Quietly
please don’t laugh too loud
or let yourself go too out of control
please be quiet
and pay
B
Needless to say,
children are not welcome to be children
although they are welcome as long as they keep quiet
and pay
Legal fictions
Cash Consciousness Church
The Religious Order of Tax Evasion
Am I angry?
Yes
Am I sad?
Yes
Do I know that I really need to be someplace else?
Yes
Am I at peace with the situation?
Yes
This book is finished
Amin
Cave
People think that caves are dark
this cave is sunny
Grass grows tall, purple flowers bloom
the sound of a stream
not far away, a path leads off, going
who knows where?
Morning birds sing, speaking their own language, saying
who knows what?
Yes, it is cold at night
Many furs are required to keep warm
The fur of acceptance
the fur of solitude
the fur of self appreciation
the fur of being
Caves are for hibernation
for withdrawal from the world
One goes in one’s cave at the appropriate season
One comes out renewed
refreshed
reborn
May Allah bless our caves and our stays in them
Amin
Embraced by Waves
Embraced by waves
the ocean inside me
tides of the moon
an ocean of light
Embraced by the wave
swaying softly
waters moving
my body possessed
Feeling the feelings
Embracing the waves
Oceans of waters
Inside my body
I am the waters
Standing and walking
Singing and talking
Dancing
I am wave itself
I am wave itself
Poet
On the border between dark and light
One foot is Shadow, the other in sunlight
Is being a poet any more worthwhile than being a butcher?
Probably not
The butcher at least brings meat home to his family
The poet may very well be a vegetarian
and single
Poets are sloppy
lazy
difficult
real pains in the ass
why bother with them?
Self centered
Self indulgent
What is it that makes poets attractive
at least to some people
What multi colored light
or strange prismed reflection
What perspective
or ordering of words
dredging up of inner knowledge
or external perception
causes those who know poets
to put up with their shit?
I don’t know
but there must be something
Or is it?
Losing the handle of my life
Yes, no, maybe, right, wrong, know, don’t know
Adrift on the ocean
Up the creek
Which way is north?
Is there some continuity to this existence
or is it a series of slides
snapshots
separate moments
A walk here
a talk there
an abyss with(out) an end
Rock bottom, cloud sky
What a dream!
Does it matter what we do
or don’t do
feel
or don’t feel
see
or don’t see
are
or are not
Are we not
what?
what?
It’s just a feeling that I’m looking for
It’s here, it’s gone
Can’t hold it, can’t keep it, can’t lose it
Lose what?
The air from our lungs
the air is never lost
but it does change
and our lungs
dust one day
Nothing is real
Or is it?
Fighting
Fighting to hold back the darkness
the darkness inside of me
at war with myself
how can you go through a whole life
at war with yourself
it’s not a happy way to live
What to do?
The sages say acceptance is the key
Accept what?
this darkness I have inside of me?
I don/t want to feel like I’m living my whole life inside a shadow
inside a dark cloud
inside a black ball of nothingness
although it’s not nothingness
and I’d probably be better off if it were
but it’s not
it’s something
My own darkness
Welcome to the Club
Binge
Purge
binge
purge
Eat
shit
eat
shit
drink
puke
drink
puke
fuck
guilt
fuck
guilt
Oh God, how can I do this to myself:
Oh God, What a relief to get all those poisons out
Is this you?
Welcome to the club, there are a lot of us
You’re not alone
What goes up
must come down
and go up again
and down again
Is this your life?
Welcome to the club
Perseverance
Fighting this battle every day, I’m so tired
Exhaustion is my constant companion, but
so is strength
truth
perseverance
This stone wall
I must get through
I do not have the strength to break it down, but
every day I chip away a little piece
Erosion times one million, and even now
I see deep gouges
glimpses of the outside
Sometimes I can almost get my arm through and feel
the soft, long, deep, green grass
of the other side
Day by day
hour by hour
I am getting there
Nothing can stop me
Amin
Stuffing
Stuffing my feelings
Munch munch munch
stuff stuff stuff
Maybe if my gut aches from fullness
it will cover up the other ache
Stuffing my feelings
Munch munch munch
stuff stuff stuff
Mommy, feed me
Food shows I am loved
doesn’t it?
There’s a place in my belly that
when it’s empty
I’m empty
Not a physical place
an energy place
where my vital force is stored
Dear Hara,
You are the furnace
the fire in the belly
the bank of chi
and you like it better
when there is not a great, bloated mass
and undigested and perhaps even undigestable
stuff
pressing in on you
pollution
but maybe,
just maybe
Feeling my chi is what I am afraid of
Ode to a Spider
O Spider
are you dead?
Caught in your own web
I blew air at you
but you didn’t move
You’re dead
I think
Yes
My name is abundance
I come bearing many gifts
Open your arms
stretch out your hands
open your heart
Eat, drink
experience wonderful orgasms
feel great joy, great peace
receive, receive, receive
Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to accept my gifts
They are well meant
There are no strings attached
No price to pay
I am the earth, the sky, the water
I love you
I love giving to you
My joy is in giving
It is in giving that I receive
so make me happy
receive my gifts
YES!
To A Lover
You
are a great cocksucker
You told me that
now I know it’s true
You
are a great cocksucker
because
you love to suck cock
My cock felt
loved, worshipped, admired, cherished
because I felt
loved, worshipped, admired, cherished
The truth is
you
are a lover
and a great cocksucker
Sex As Adventure
Let us climb into our boats
separately and together
Let us unfurl our sails
and seek new lands
Lands of the spirit
Lands of the mind
Lands of the flesh
Eye to eye (sometimes)
mouth to mouth (sometimes)
groin to groin (sometimes)
Linking all our chakras
with energy breathings
and Shiatsu points
Lick me, suck me, fuck me
orally, genitally, anally,
and any other ways we can think of
We open our spirits like two ripe, juicy pieces of fruit
succulent and tender, to be nibbled
nuzzled
devoured
you taste so good
and when I come
I do want to see stars
fireworks
explosions!
Bands playing
and please remember, after sex, I am always hungry
so if we’re at your place, have some food around
Waiting
Waiting for my life to begin
Not this life I have now
with problems, worries, lack of love
I mean my real life
The one with my name in lights
With the music playing in the background
Fame, fortune, dancing girls, big bank account
Confidence, acclaim
My real life
All I do now is eat, shit, drink, work, fuck, get drunk, play ball
Regular stuff
Waiting for my life to begin, I look up
Has it started yet
No
I’ll work some more
stack up a few more karmic chips
Get a little more money
Now?
Not yet
Maybe if I work a little more
stack up a few more karmic chips
then one day I’ll look up and find
I was alive all along
Twelve
After standing in line for twelve years
singing, dancing, chanting, meditating
finally, the moment arrives
one approaches the source, the Godhead
bows, kneels, prays, worships
the Godhead incarnation smiles
takes you in her arms
whispers in your ear
anoints you with love
Go, thou, and do likewise
See every being as me
every being as yourself
God and self are one
Sing, chant, dance, pray, meditate
live life to the fullest
push the limits of love
as far as they will go
and farther
Love yourself, love me, love all beings
Be happy
be joyous
and laugh a lot
and laugh a lot!
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Poetry
Home
Writings
Broken Buddha
poetry
Jay Dancing Bear
Contents
Broken Buddha
Naked Pagan
Renewal
What a Pleasant Sound
Inconvenient Thunderbolt
Man of Substance
On a Mountain
Water
Looking Back
What
Harbin May 97
Cave
Embraced by Waves
Poet
Or is it?
Fighting
Welcome to the Club
Perseverance
Stuffing
Ode to a Spider
Yes!
To a Lover
Sex as Adventure
Waiting
Twelve
Broken Buddha
When your heart breaks
so hard
that even when everything you wanted is
right here, right now
smiling at you
all you have to do is to
speak the word
yet
you remain mute
and smile weakly
In that moment
enlightenment has struck
gone, gone, gone beyond
You have become a Broken Buddha
A shadow imitation of the real thing
yet
you are beyond despair
beyond hope
totally here and now
in a sad, sad way
I don’t envy you and you don’t envy me
Is this a necessary step on the path
or some horrible wrong turn
Wheels in deep mud
we get out of the vehicle
and step into
Quicksand, oh
God
Naked Pagan
A naked pagan
dancing with the sky
I am alien in your world
Your houses, factories, TV sets
It is difficult for me to understand
how can you live this way?
but you do
I need trees, grass, sky
Rushing rivers and willing consorts
fresh strawberries picked from the ground
You tell me of vaccines, hospitals,
guaranteed food supply
heat in the winter
Yes, these are good things
when enjoyed properly
but why give up
the joy of feeling
the sun on your heart
the waves on your flesh
trances
the companionship of spirit
Why do you seem to lack
joy,contentment,fulfillment
serenity, and
integrity
You sell yourself to the highest bidder and
live in fear of not selling yourself
Why can you not find a way to have it all
If this technology is so wonderful
why are so many unhappy
sick at heart
filled with all manner of diseased emotions and
homeless in the streets
I don’t understand
The gifts I offer
you think worthless
I offer the sand, the sea
the earth, the sky
compassion
and deep feelings
What you want from me is to be a robot
For that I may earn enough to buy food and pay rent
since you have set a price on every inch of the earth
by what right do you control this land
I don’t understand
but, after all
I am only
A naked pagan
Renewal
Dipping my bucket
into the sacred well of power
I am renewed
What a pleasant sound!
The sound of a woman having an orgasm
what a pleasant sound!
When I lived in the campground I could hear that sound a lot but
here in the city
not so much
Maybe the walls block out the sound but
I think that people in cities just don’t fuck as much
or else they do it quietly
so nobody will hear
but out in the open
the sound traveled and
could be heard a lot!
What a pleasant sound!
Inconvenient Thunderbolt
Just like back trouble
Love can strike at very inconvenient moments
Burning up all your nice, neat plans
like logs in the fires of experience
as your inner child dances wildly around
twirling like a dervish
laughing with joy
Man of Substance
e
I’m not fat
I don’t have much money
but
if you were to weigh and measure my experiences
you would see
2000 pounds
vast as the sky
filling out my vest
like the great ball of the earth
I count my wealth in
the people I have met
the skies I have seen
the songs I have sung
the souls I have loved
the feelings I have felt
the skin I have touched
This, to me, is my wealth
and i cherish it
Amin
On a Mountain
I’m on a mountain
Looking at another mountain
I want to get there, the only problem is
There’s an ocean in between
and a desert
and a million miles of wheat fields
but even so
I still want to get to that other mountain
Now
Not in one hundred years
and I will
if it is God’s will
my name is Mohammed
I am a simple man
It’s just me
and the mountain
Why do I want to get there?
Because there are people there who need to hear my voice
and they will only hear it
if I am on the other mountain
Why my voice? Why this urgency?
I don’t know
perhaps it resonates at some special frequency
but for whatever the reason
God commands me and
his/her/it’s will be done
Amin
Water
I am water
how can you hold me?
The tighter you squeeze your grip
the more I slip through your fingers
A cupped hand, upturned
will let you enjoy me
a little bit, or
better yet
Dive into me
Feel me surround you
embrace you
caress you
as you slide-glide through me
Feel me touching and stroking every inch of your body
I am you
90% of you
You are me
given form by skin and boned
but still
mostly water
I am soft
Supple
Yet in time I erode the densest rock known to man
I am humble
and always seek low places
I quench fire
and fill up air
You are me and I am you
We are eternal
Amin
Looking Back
Looking back on my life through the filter of who I am now
What was it really like?
How did I feel then
how do I feel now
How long do these feelings last
or
is it all
as it was
as it shall be
world without end
Amin
What
What will make me acceptable to myself, to you
If I produce, do a lot, keep busy, make money
If I’m active, and, of course
cheerful and happy
Then do I get the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval?
What if I’m moody?
What if much of my time is quiet time?
What if most of my life is lived on the inside,
not a lot of external activity
just a lot of lying in bed
reading, thinking, feeling
What if money and I are not well acquainted
and outside money is needed
Does this make me worthless, a bum, useless to society,
not fit to walk the earth?
What makes me “worthy”, and
will your opinion make one bit of goddamn difference
in the taste of my spaghetti sauce
or is it my opinion
which I too much base on what I believe to be your opinion
which is important
Harbin-May 97
parts A and B
A
There’s a shadow and the land
and it’s growing larger and darker
Please be quiet
Please don’t play music
or sing
except in the garden, and even there
keep it down
Construction noises are allowed
and can be heard
everywhere
Chainsaws, hammers, bulldozers
all welcome
Music, guitars
not welcome
The warm pool at night
bright lights, security surveillance
Please be quiet
Shush
The Fern kitchen supply cabinet is now locked
In the garden picking without asking is stealing
Please be quiet and give Harbin all the
money, time, and energy
that you can
and if you’re a resident
or a long term guest
please don’t stay too long
please feel free to have fun
Quietly
please don’t laugh too loud
or let yourself go too out of control
please be quiet
and pay
B
Needless to say,
children are not welcome to be children
although they are welcome as long as they keep quiet
and pay
Legal fictions
Cash Consciousness Church
The Religious Order of Tax Evasion
Am I angry?
Yes
Am I sad?
Yes
Do I know that I really need to be someplace else?
Yes
Am I at peace with the situation?
Yes
This book is finished
Amin
Cave
People think that caves are dark
this cave is sunny
Grass grows tall, purple flowers bloom
the sound of a stream
not far away, a path leads off, going
who knows where?
Morning birds sing, speaking their own language, saying
who knows what?
Yes, it is cold at night
Many furs are required to keep warm
The fur of acceptance
the fur of solitude
the fur of self appreciation
the fur of being
Caves are for hibernation
for withdrawal from the world
One goes in one’s cave at the appropriate season
One comes out renewed
refreshed
reborn
May Allah bless our caves and our stays in them
Amin
Embraced by Waves
Embraced by waves
the ocean inside me
tides of the moon
an ocean of light
Embraced by the wave
swaying softly
waters moving
my body possessed
Feeling the feelings
Embracing the waves
Oceans of waters
Inside my body
I am the waters
Standing and walking
Singing and talking
Dancing
I am wave itself
I am wave itself
Poet
On the border between dark and light
One foot is Shadow, the other in sunlight
Is being a poet any more worthwhile than being a butcher?
Probably not
The butcher at least brings meat home to his family
The poet may very well be a vegetarian
and single
Poets are sloppy
lazy
difficult
real pains in the ass
why bother with them?
Self centered
Self indulgent
What is it that makes poets attractive
at least to some people
What multi colored light
or strange prismed reflection
What perspective
or ordering of words
dredging up of inner knowledge
or external perception
causes those who know poets
to put up with their shit?
I don’t know
but there must be something
Or is it?
Losing the handle of my life
Yes, no, maybe, right, wrong, know, don’t know
Adrift on the ocean
Up the creek
Which way is north?
Is there some continuity to this existence
or is it a series of slides
snapshots
separate moments
A walk here
a talk there
an abyss with(out) an end
Rock bottom, cloud sky
What a dream!
Does it matter what we do
or don’t do
feel
or don’t feel
see
or don’t see
are
or are not
Are we not
what?
what?
It’s just a feeling that I’m looking for
It’s here, it’s gone
Can’t hold it, can’t keep it, can’t lose it
Lose what?
The air from our lungs
the air is never lost
but it does change
and our lungs
dust one day
Nothing is real
Or is it?
Fighting
Fighting to hold back the darkness
the darkness inside of me
at war with myself
how can you go through a whole life
at war with yourself
it’s not a happy way to live
What to do?
The sages say acceptance is the key
Accept what?
this darkness I have inside of me?
I don/t want to feel like I’m living my whole life inside a shadow
inside a dark cloud
inside a black ball of nothingness
although it’s not nothingness
and I’d probably be better off if it were
but it’s not
it’s something
My own darkness
Welcome to the Club
Binge
Purge
binge
purge
Eat
shit
eat
shit
drink
puke
drink
puke
fuck
guilt
fuck
guilt
Oh God, how can I do this to myself:
Oh God, What a relief to get all those poisons out
Is this you?
Welcome to the club, there are a lot of us
You’re not alone
What goes up
must come down
and go up again
and down again
Is this your life?
Welcome to the club
Perseverance
Fighting this battle every day, I’m so tired
Exhaustion is my constant companion, but
so is strength
truth
perseverance
This stone wall
I must get through
I do not have the strength to break it down, but
every day I chip away a little piece
Erosion times one million, and even now
I see deep gouges
glimpses of the outside
Sometimes I can almost get my arm through and feel
the soft, long, deep, green grass
of the other side
Day by day
hour by hour
I am getting there
Nothing can stop me
Amin
Stuffing
Stuffing my feelings
Munch munch munch
stuff stuff stuff
Maybe if my gut aches from fullness
it will cover up the other ache
Stuffing my feelings
Munch munch munch
stuff stuff stuff
Mommy, feed me
Food shows I am loved
doesn’t it?
There’s a place in my belly that
when it’s empty
I’m empty
Not a physical place
an energy place
where my vital force is stored
Dear Hara,
You are the furnace
the fire in the belly
the bank of chi
and you like it better
when there is not a great, bloated mass
and undigested and perhaps even undigestable
stuff
pressing in on you
pollution
but maybe,
just maybe
Feeling my chi is what I am afraid of
Ode to a Spider
O Spider
are you dead?
Caught in your own web
I blew air at you
but you didn’t move
You’re dead
I think
Yes
My name is abundance
I come bearing many gifts
Open your arms
stretch out your hands
open your heart
Eat, drink
experience wonderful orgasms
feel great joy, great peace
receive, receive, receive
Please don’t be afraid or ashamed to accept my gifts
They are well meant
There are no strings attached
No price to pay
I am the earth, the sky, the water
I love you
I love giving to you
My joy is in giving
It is in giving that I receive
so make me happy
receive my gifts
YES!
To A Lover
You
are a great cocksucker
You told me that
now I know it’s true
You
are a great cocksucker
because
you love to suck cock
My cock felt
loved, worshipped, admired, cherished
because I felt
loved, worshipped, admired, cherished
The truth is
you
are a lover
and a great cocksucker
Sex As Adventure
Let us climb into our boats
separately and together
Let us unfurl our sails
and seek new lands
Lands of the spirit
Lands of the mind
Lands of the flesh
Eye to eye (sometimes)
mouth to mouth (sometimes)
groin to groin (sometimes)
Linking all our chakras
with energy breathings
and Shiatsu points
Lick me, suck me, fuck me
orally, genitally, anally
Socrates Thalassos (formerly jay dancing bear) -----The Adventure Continues! 